“No one honest has an easy life, and it’s aching for one that causes the most pain.”

James Kidd, Assassins Creed

I recently wrote about the second best question I’ve ever been asked. This has begged another question for some people, “so what’s the first best, then?”

Well. It went something like this.

“Why is it so hard for you to believe there could be someone out there who wants to love you long enough to understand you?”

Him.

To this day that is the best question anyone has ever asked me. Reason being, it’s still one that exists in my head without an answer. I’ve really had to think about that one.

And I’ve spent a lot of time and energy seeking answers. Questioning why. Wondering how. Asking what next and then cursing the universe when I came out empty-handed.

Perhaps it comes down to the assumption that as soon as someone loves me “long enough,” that’ll be where the road ends.

I grew up believing that love existed on a conditional basis, mostly because of the relationship I had with my dad. Knowing that, it makes perfect sense why I still tend to carry some of that same fear into new relationships.

I think one of the most common trauma responses is to resist things that come our way because we feel like we don’t deserve them yet. Like we haven’t earned that level of goodness and so the rug could be pulled out from under us any minute…

While we are hardwired as humans to give and receive love, some of us are hardwired to resist the things that are good for us.

We get skittish when things begin to look and feel too good to be true.

I still don’t have a good answer to that first best question, and I may spend the rest of my days on Earth trying to figure it out.

But I do know one of the biggest favors you can do yourself in this life, is to let yourself be loved.

And maybe it’s easier said than done because of all the questions that can get in the way.

But there are moments in time when it’s best to just stop asking. Find your still. Settle there.

Because when it comes to another person’s love, all you have to do is surrender.